[05♥Nov♥04 @ 05:13pm ] ___razzle___razzle___razzle___razzle ___razzle___razzle___razzle___razzle___razzle___razzle___razzle___razzle friends only journal. add it to keep me and ill always keep you<3 7 whores ♥ love me

[31♥Oct♥04 @ 03:41pm ] its either.. i dont deserve anyone.. or no one deserves me. because im fucking sick of feeling. this journal WILL be deleted tomorrow and my new journal will be up to date. i promise. happy halloween. i did alot of things last night. went alot of places, but only wanted one thing. fuck that. and most of all fuck myself for not wanting to be alone. 5 whores ♥ love me

[29♥Oct♥04 @ 06:37pm ] woo! new journals set, so start adding me back to it. so the question is.. what's everyones plans and costumes for halloween? and if your jewish please feel free to comment on how cool you are. 5 whores ♥ love me

[29♥Oct♥04 @ 11:15am ] deanna likes to stick things in my butthole while im sleeping.. wtf?! 7 whores ♥ love me

[27♥Oct♥04 @ 08:45pm ] i really need help with my layout for my new journal.. help? please? 3 whores ♥ love me

[26♥Oct♥04 @ 06:06pm ] happy birthday andyyy you kuh-nuck! haha happy birthday mikki bear, i love you. HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY LOVE TONE, I OWE YOU THE WORLD♥( Read more... ) 3 whores ♥ love me

[24♥Oct♥04 @ 02:42pm ] [ mood | crying. ] [ music | november ] i wish i could've choked on my own vomit. i wish i didn't wake up with this feeling. last night i did something i'll never forget, and he probably wont either. well theres two things i lost this weekend. thank you to everyone who took care of me, due to the thing i did last night im seriously never drinking again. i know people always say it, but if im going to lose the one thing left over that i care for.. then fuck it. im going to tell him tonight. tonight, im going to lose everything. p.s. im planning on deleting this journal and making a friend only with more private thoughts. ill add you on it later if i like your writings and dont write about stupid shit all the time. 19 whores ♥ love me

pardon my mercy but "im only here so your not alone" "im only their so your not alone" [16♥Oct♥04 @ 06:17pm ] [ mood | blah, if you will. ] [ music | one foot in front of the other ] everytime i  get the hint of an incent, i think of the ciggerette smell and its glow, when you looked at me.i tried to call you before you left for your tour. but i guess it was too late. to maybe tell you it was nice running into you, but you fucked up my time for the while. now no matter who im with im thinking of that night. or just the way your bright eyes stared at me. i get this cold shiver down my spine. im not suppose to think of you anymore. it just hurts to think that the only person who will ever treat me like the way i'd like to be treated, i lost. i lost because i was scared of being treated right. i was scared of finding everything you said a lie. but it wasnt because you never gave up for two whole years. but i ignored you. i know i say i adore my boyfriend and such, but for some reason im putting together theories not "ideals" that this isn't forever. i can't fall in love. and i won't. i hate to admit it, maybe my judgement is off, maybe he'll prove me wrong. but no matter what im thinking of the thing that i lost and  i won't find "it" until i can find another person who is ACTUALLY willing to admit that love is a lost cause. and you wont find it with just anybody. i don't want some one who waste their life away on drugs and alcohol. i want an artist,a builder, a creator.. not a follower,a pusher, nor hater. its impossible. 10 whores ♥ love me

absence leads to adoration.. [14♥Oct♥04 @ 09:39pm ] [ mood | contemplative ] [ music | sad,sad song ] that would have to be my favorite saying. only because its meaning behind it is absolutely true. today was rockstar day where we all dressed up. i dressed up as madonna. it was cute, i thought so. all day i just wanted to come home and listen to my music. i wanted to lay down and drift off to sleep. there's nothing more relaxing than an afternoon nap. lately though, i've been too fond of sleeping. i always want to sleep because i've been thinking too much. and night time my sleep has been restless. i think to myself, im only 16 yet to be 17 in december and im worrying about my plans.. on where im going.. will a relationship truelly ever last? how does he feel, when will i feel better? i'm sick of thinking there could be hope out there for the exact thing i want. maybe my thoughts have been downhill lately because i lost possibly the only thing in the world to me that could matter for the rest of my life. but i guess you can say, if she left then that means it wasnt meant to be. just 12 years of friendship changed because of drugs.. well isnt likely to accept. i could go looking for a new bestfriend. and say people that i hang out with alot are my best friends.. but a best friend is some one you can tell anything to and be comfortable with always.. im sorry but theres no one who came as close as shanda did. its horrible. Richard is right, i shouldn't be so confused about my boyfriend, i sure he does love me. its just seeing the enviroment around me that used to be so full of love collapse  scares the living shit out of me. im having my doubts. but i shouldn't worry, right? honestly right now i wish i was waking up in san diego near the beach i onced stayed. how crisp the air felt compared to here and how quiet it was. sorry about the long entry. p.s. leave a comment and ill tell you what my honest opinion is about you, your journal, your writing and such. whatever..<3 19 whores ♥ love me

[13♥Oct♥04 @ 08:10pm ] [ mood | blah ] [ music | whatever ] last night was great. i thought so. minus the whole running into some one i tried to set beside. now i dont know what to do, i just need to see my boyfriend. then things be set straight. this is confusing. its eating at me. what do i do? 11 whores ♥ love me

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